Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Therapy related videos

Youtube Videos




Listen and watch some of Lily's perspectives on counseling related issues, family therapy solutions, relationship difficulties, trauma based solutions and life concepts via the above youtube link to gain a better sense of her therapeutic philosophy.

Lily Kotila, Marriage and Family Therapist works at San Diego Therapy, located in downtown La Jolla, California.  She focuses on marriage couples counseling and relationship counseling issues.

As a psychotherapist, Lily also addresses a myriad of individual therapy problems related to: trauma therapy counseling and PTSD therapy treatment which includes EMDR therapy. She has designed her own PTSD trauma therapy coaching referred to as NSI or Neuro-Somatic Integration.  It circumvents trigger talk which can activate a cortisol stress release related to the parasympathetic nervous system response.

Switching therapeutic topics, anxiety treatment counseling and therapy for depressive symptoms help to shift people into more calm and happier states of being and wellness.  Lily guides you with these processes.

Cognitive behavioral hypnotherapy is a powerful alternative therapy to talk counseling in terms of accessing the unconscious for purposes of re-scripting life story lines, gaining new perspective on relational dynamics and making sense of the past. Cognitive behavioral hypnosis transcends false rational ego constructs that have formed over the years.  Guided hypnosis also helps to provide secure grounding, synthesis of life content and awareness of self presence such that power and conscious choices become the underpinning of future directed movement (in comparison to being run by unconscious beliefs that cause the manifestation of the exact opposite of what you truly desire in life).

Lily also provides addiction therapy to help treat alcoholism, substance abuse counseling for alcohol dependence and therapy coaching for drug addiction issues.  She teaches aspects of non-violent communication to help with anger management issues and therapy for domestic violence problems.  Lily will fill out any court related therapy documentation pertaining to court ordered therapy and/or write personal request letters documenting therapy experience for people involved with probation cases and or other legal issues.

Aside from mental health therapy focusing on relationship coaching and individual counseling, Lily also works with family dynamic issues and co-parenting therapy skills training to optimize functioning of blended households, thus creating an ideal scenario for the child.

Lily provides therapy for teenagers and pre-teenagers who are dealing with family adjustment issues and social bullying.  Therapy for peer related difficulties and social skills coaching are provided, as well as counseling for academic difficulties.  Therapeutic suggestions related to IEP management and support are provided to teachers and school counselors. 

Again, to get more of a personal feel for Lily Kotila's therapy style and outlook, click on the link below.

Youtube Videos


Friday, June 24, 2016

DIY Emotional Freedom Technique





EFT Exercise


1.     Pick one issue in your life that you want to address today.  Write down @3 primary phrases that describe the problem. 



2.     What is the worst part about the life issue? 




3.     What is the negative belief about yourself you associate with this issue even though it isn’t really true?  (See list).




4.     If you gave this issue a “movie title,” what would you name it?




5.     What emotion do you feel? 



6.     On a level 1-10, 10 being the most intense, what emotional level are you with respect to the issue?


7.     Where in your body do you feel this emotion?  And/or if you don’t feel the emotion anywhere, take a moment to picture the life issue in your mind and then check in with your body.  Notate the first place in your body that calls your attention.


8.     Repeat the below phrase 3x while tapping on the outer side of hand

9.     “Even though, I (fill in the blanks with direct phrases from (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6), ______________________, _______________________I truly and deeply love and accept myself.”  (Each repeat will be slightly different. This is ok.)

10. Do 1 somatic round of tapping on the acupressure points while repeating only the ____________________ , ________, _______________ (aspects of 1-7).  Omit the expression “Even though….. ” bold phrases of #9.

When 1 somatic round is done:  “Take a deep breath. Inhale and exhale, letting go of any tension in the body.   What do you notice now?  What number is your emotion?”


11. Identify the mental focus and emotional level of that somatic round and any new content that has arisen.  Repeat new content and/or previous content in the next EFT somatic round.

12. Continue to repeat EFT somatic rounds of tapping until the emotional number is down to 0-1. 

13. Have the client re-scan the “movie title” and all associated thoughts to make sure there are no missed energetic pieces.  Again, the number should be 0-1.

www.edginglife.com 
(619) 750 2218

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Women and Anger Perceptions


Firm stance and anger expression. The conditioned female distortion of self view resulting in disempowerment of voice.

 Irregardless of whether or not women are angry, when they stand their ground and are firm with respect to an issue, they often reflect on their expression as being  mean, rude, abrasive or something of similar. 

Their 'internal perspective' of self is often not congruent with an outsider's experience or 'external perspective' of the same behavior. This discrepancy of affect interpretation is more easily noticed when the listener's personal ego isn't affected. Needless to say when a listener's ego gets affected, s/he can easily contribute to escalating expressive states.

When "external ego of other" is left out of the emotional equation, within that neutral space following firm expression, women's self reflection is often negatively  magnified. Why does this happen? I'm not positive though I do have some ideas. Any thoughts?

One possible reason that the internal experience of perceived expression is more intense than it actually manifests (out of mouth/talk) is that it is colored by internal emotional processing, internal somatic response, and internal thoughts that create a more intense milieu leading to magnified perception. 

The variance of inner perception versus outer world manifestation with respect to being firm and/or the expression of anger may also be a more pronounced difference in women due to gender social conditioning.  US culture emphasizes the importance of certain female personality characteristics such as being demure and reserved, and erudite with subtle assertion, which could affect the way one judges inner world milieu and external expression as these states are unconsciously compared to cultural standards.

The variance of inner volume and outer expression of anger emotions by the presenter may also not be appropriately assessed by the self as the presenter is both inside of her being and outside of her being (expression) at the same time. Furthermore, the internal world is distorted from linear time in that it involves memories, future ideas and many imagined angles of perception.  Therefore when and if in reflection, it's hard to discern what energy magnitude actually exited the being versus what magnitude remained internal. 

I wonder what internal tools one might develop to help ascertain the intensity of expression versus what  is experienced within? Thoughts? Of course the talker can check in with the listener to gain a sense of expressed magnitude, but it is important to not rely on 'other' for perception and monitoring of self. Other than the importance of self regulation, inevitably, different listeners will have different thresholds of firm/anger acceptance levels. While somewhat adjusting for levels of firm/anger expression in terms of listener's acceptance variances, it is important to have an internal guage of the firm/anger self so that its expression can have continuity throughout life. With continuity both  through time and with respect to audience, a more accurate perception of self can be formed with baseline dependable levels. If one were only relying on external cues of 'other' to gauge external expression of firm/anger or in which to judge self, the emotional regulation and sense of a self foundation would be quite fickle.

Not to blame other or make them at fault for their anger thresholds or emotional carrying capacity levels and resulting reactivity, identifying an acceptable internal gauge and external volume range for firm and anger is a good guide to differentiating between what is considered "his/her stuff" versus "self stuff."

Anyway, with respect to women, who often have a tendency to emotionally beat themselves up for having a firm and/or assertive voice, it is important to gain understanding of "right sized view" of self in order to avoid anger compensatory behaviors in any dynamic.

Without anger compensatory behaviors, (emotional seeking of other's reassurance, being overly apologetic, dismissing of importance of request, being "sideways nice" to compensate for perceived anger expression etc) interpersonal or relational boundaries are formed and respect is elicited.
Furthermore, quieted and pacified or channeled anger by women often results in addictions  . . .addictions: to please,  to drugs, to food, to emotionally beating up of the self, to approval to passive aggression to manipulation.

So, if you are a woman and reading this post, it is advised that you accurately learn to assess the expression of your firm voice and your anger so that you free yourself of all the distortions, flagellation and unnecessary compensatory behaviors in life. .  . not to mention that adequate self view allows for presentation and existence of full inner wisdom and power.