Wednesday, October 26, 2016

GG Blue personality type more affected by childhood trauma: Beyond Gender


What type of child do you have?  A blue kid or an orange kid?

"Don't cry like a girl."  It's not about boys or girls. Why? ? ? ?

Because . . . . research demonstrates that individuals with Blue personality type are more sensitive to impacts of childhood traumas in comparison to Orange personality types of both the AA and AG form.

Blue personality types also benefit more from from increased parental love and attention to assuage childhood traumas than Orange personality type children.

https://www.istss.org/education-research/online-learning/recordings.aspx?pid=AMREC10-03

For more research visit:  http://www.livin4d.com/research.html

Livin4d provides an opportunity to transcend society's gender constructs associated with emotions.   It provides a "tabula rasa" "blank slate" platform in which to examine human behaviors free of previous assumptions and stigmas.

The next generation of children has an opportunity to understand personality through a scientific lens in comparison to a socialized conditioned lens.  The different ways in which children are affected by trauma due to innate varying oxytocin levels (Blue & Orange) is only one of many innate differences between the two genetic personality types.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Have you heard of “Oxytocin Nasal Spray?”


Oxytocin nasal spray is used by people for a myriad of social reasons including to: 
  • Increase empathy 
  • Increase feelings of love and bonding in monogamous relationships
  • Increase social recognition of facial expressions by parents in children (such as evaluated by the facial recognition test)
  • Focus attentiveness to relevant social stimuli
  • Increase trust
  • Decrease fears and anxieties with respect to people
  •  
Oxytocin nasal spray is utilized for various medical reasons as well including to:
  • Inhibit the development of tolerance of certain drugs including:  opiates, cocaine and alcohol
  • Decrease appetite
  • Alleviate Asperger’s and Autistic symptoms
  • Assuage schizophrenic symptoms

In the United States, Oxytocin Nasal Spray can be prescribed by your MD or psychiatrist. It can be obtained at your local compounding pharmacy, as can other effective drugs not yet approved by the FDA.

Due to denaturing of the Oxytocin molecule in low pH or highly acidic environments, Oxytocin is most effective when delivered into the lungs as opposed to transport via the digestive tract into the stomach. Hydrochloric Acid (HCl) in the stomach would so rapidly break down the Oxytocin  that it wouldn’t have a chance to get absorbed into the blood stream, nor would it be circulated around the body or last long enough to cross the blood brain barrier.

Oxytocin nasal spray must be refrigerated and administered every 6 hours.  For some individuals, the results of nasally administered oxytocin can last a lifetime.  For others, the effects wear off.  This discrepancy in efficacy duration may have to do with which varying forms of genes located on chromosome 22 (to be discussed in a future article).  Perhaps some individuals rapidly break down the oxytocin molecule whereas others do not. Rate of breakdown is dependent upon whether an individual is considered an ultra rapid metabolizers or a slow metabolizer.

If one in need does not experience lifelong effects of oxytocin nasal spray, it would be helpful for these individuals: be tested for chromosome 22 variances (reimbursed by some insurance companies) and possibly be administered higher levels of Oxytocin than the "average."  Another possible option for administration might be to taper on and off of Oxytocin over the course of time as a method of attempting to "trick the body's" adjustment ability.

 Social observances of individuals who benefit from Oxytocin Nasal Spray are so incredible, they can be related to the movie Awakenings in which Robin Williams plays a lead role.  In the movie, patients are administered a drug that brings patients out of a catatonic Encephalitis Lethargica state.  Unfortunately, the drug is only effective for a short duration.

Based on the reasons for administration listed above, if you think that the Oxytocin Nasal Spray medication might be helpful to you and/or one whom you care about, it is suggested that you be an advocate for your own health.  Many medical and psychiatric providers don’t think outside the box and aren’t ‘adventurous’ enough to look at medication options outside of FDA approval.  Furthermore, many people including trained professionals haven’t heard of it as an option.  It has been somewhat explored as a supplement in certain couple’s therapy scenarios.

Lily J Kotila is not an M.D.  She was a high school Biology teacher in Washington D.C. and she is a licensed Marriage Family Therapist in California. This article is not intended to be medical advise.  This article is intended to educate people and provide new insight and ways of thinking about Oxytocin Nasal Spray, compounding pharmacies, genetic testing etc.  (What an interesting society in which we live).

Monday, October 24, 2016

Co-parenting Therapy for the coparent of a Narcissist coparent




www.livin4d.com
Narcissism can also be defined by low oxytocin levels.  Livin4d is a non-pathological approach to understanding differences in social behaviors.  Either therapeutic approach  makes sense.  Your view . . . is up to you.

When in a separated co-parenting scenario, the effects of a narcissistic parent's control and abuse on the family unit are devastating. Narcissistic effects are greater in a separated family than in a cohesive family primarily for 2 reasons:

1. There are individual co-parenting "wants" for perceived best interest of child and best interest of parent

2. Child alone time with narcissist parent

1. Since the parental couple is separated, each parent has individual "wants" connected to parenting related choices that are believed optimal for the child and are also in the best interest for the parent's life (separate from "shared parenting life"). The non-narcissist parent's "wants" are almost always superseded by the narcissist parent's ability to control the "want."

Parental "wants" may be related (but not limited) to the following topics:
  • Preference of arrangement with respect to custody scheduled days
  • Vacations and needed adjustments regarding time
  • Passport want (if separated, requiring signatures of both parents) for travel includes out of country
  • Child's enrollment and participation in sports and/or activity
  • Monetary support (50/50 or legally agreed upon) with respect to needed timing for enrollment in activities 
  • Location choice of school facility for child
  • Purchase of school clothing and or any related perceived needs of child's items
  • Religious affiliation
The narcissist parent focuses on maintaining a power of position in all situations. Therefore, whatever requests the non-narcissist co-parent may have regarding the child, simply due to the fact that it is a request, desire, or want, the narcissist will refuse and/or withhold giving an answer, permission or financial support (if needed), thus maintaining power and control.


For example if a parent wants to change days of custody share, the answer is "no." If a parent wants to go on a vacation and temporarily adjust time of parental share, the answer is , "no." If a co-parent wants to establish or renew a child's passport requiring a narcissist parent's signature, it is not provided, thus inhibiting travel. If a narcissist parent detects the desire of a co-parent to enroll the child in activities or sports, there is a delayed answer of approval and or denial of financial support. 

Often times when a co-signature is needed and/or 50/50 financial contribution, the deadline will be "missed" by the narcissist parent and the co-parent will not be able to enroll the child.  This type of controlling behavior from the narcissist is not overt. It often goes undetected by surrounding people.  It frequently leaves the co-parent feeling defeated and in a position of not having parenting voice.  Unfortunately, to be free of control, the co-parent must extinguish all desire of outcome for the child in which the narcissist parent needs to be involved.  The more money a co-parent has, the less she is able to be controlled. Yet finances don't buy complete freedom.

"Just learn to co-parent. Put your own egos aside" is often heard from by the outsiders.  They haven't a clue.  For untrained therapists lacking knowledge of true narcissistic dynamics, this erroneous response may also be subtly therapeutically reinforced.  The only research based therapeutic solution to co-parenting with a narcissist is that there is no such thing as co-parenting with a narcissist.

To a narcissistic parent, the "wants" of a child whatever they might be  . . . . don't matter . . . whether a child has an interest in a sport or activity, if the child wants to switch schools or if the child wants to travel is given no consideration by the narcissistic parent. 

To repeat, all decisions made by the narcissist parent are about power,  control and maintaining that status. To repeat, any attachment to support or an outcome for a child (whether overtly asked or not) by the co-parent gives an opportunity for the narcissist parent to put the co-parent in a position of powerlessness.

Unlike a co-parent request for support from a narcissist parent, in many given scenarios, a narcissist parent will unilaterally make decisions with no opportunity for corroboration from co-parent.   A narcissist parent will often disregard (supposed) legally mandated rules necessitating co-parenting approval.  For example, a narcissist parent might baptize a child without the awareness let alone consent of co-parent.  Unfortunately, even if such a thing (as religious affiliation and baptizing of a child) is legally agreed upon, there are often little or no ramifications for a narcissist's abuse of power and control in terms of unilateral parenting.  If legal aid is sought by a co-parent, the narcissist parent often paints the legal picture of the co-parent being anxious, not logical and frantic, over-reacting as usual. 

It is speculated that one reason for the legal system supporting (by not implementing consequences or enforcing mandates) unilateral narcissistic parenting decisions has to do with the fact that often, any voice from the co-parent regarding dismay or disapproval of unilateral parenting decisions by narcissist is typically viewed as an overreaction. 

 Furthermore, imagine a narcissistic co-parenting scenario that escalates to the levels of family court. What personality type do you think is more easily understood in a court situation in which each case is given 20 minutes of attention? The parent who attempts to legally connect all the years of dots and paint the picture of all the convoluted dismissing covert narcissist behaviors of power and control, getting more frustrated with each misunderstanding?  Or the parent who states, "She's got issues. She makes no sense."  Make cents? They do!  If in a narcissistic co-parenting relationship and it can be avoided, stay out of court.  Who cares about religion anyway?  Most of the time, court will only reinforce that religious affiliation selected for by narcissist parent fundamentally isn't important!  (Please note that a narcissist co-parenting situation is being described.  It is not that I support these behaviors as a therapist.  I am simply presenting the reality of our current social structure with respect to legal ramifications or lack there of).

Furthermore in situations where the co-parent has more emotional attachment to an outcome of a narcissist's unilateral choice, her response of disapproval may be further exaggerated in: affect, anxiety, tone, excitability in speech and other forms of demeanor, thus reinforcing perceived "overreaction."

This controlling narcissistic abuse frequently goes unnoticed by friends, age related parents and school personnel. Often, the story of the narcissist parent is believed by surrounding people as it is frequently  convincing, charming and charismatic. A narcissist's version of truth often places the narcissistic parent in the role of hero or savior while the co-parent is deemed "sick".  There are some severe cases where a co-parents' family of origin members and/or extended family "buy into" the narcissist's beguiling views.
For a co-parent with a narcissist to teach, educate and explain the subtle and pernicious methods of narcissistic control to an outsider let alone a judge would be a long convoluted story.  There is no point to such explanations. Current psychological literature attests to the fact that a narcissist victim often appears"crazy" to outsiders as she attempts to give voice to the controlling and abusive decisions let alone the gaslighting behaviors of her narcissist co-parent

The narcissist co-parent victim not only feels powerless, but often feels alone as no one hears her truth. A narcissist is not only very skilled at maintaining power and control within the co-parenting relationship, he is also skilled at influencing surrounding social members to view the co-parent in a light of "irrational, sick, demanding, unreasonable, incapable of parenting etc." In a narcissistic co-parenting scenario, the best thing a co-parent can do is stop attempting to defend and/or shed light on her side of story.  Most likely, her attempts at "connecting of the dots" for people's understanding is not only futile, but in attempting to do so, she may even be adding to the likelihood of a negative and erroneous social view of herself.

If a narcissist co-parent has romantic relationships with men or women other than the co-parent, these victims are regularly also viewed as sick.  Sometimes, the repetitious stories increase the co-parent's truth of being validated by society.  Often times, unless the romance partners also have shared kids with the narcissist, they go running for the hills and away from the narcissist.

As sad as it may be, for now, if the co-parent listens well to various social responses, she will stop attempting to get surrounding people to understand her situation.  She will not only silence herself, but she will accept that the child's wants will be further pushed aside in preservation of the narcissist power and control.

As a licensed therapist, I'm sorry to state this approach as being the ideal method of co-parenting with a narcissist as it is obviously not ideal.  It is however, based on the reality of our times.

Aside from decreasing talk about the situation, if one is the co-parent to a narcissistic co-parent, it is best to avoid putting yourself in any situation requiring the narcissist co-parent's money and/or verbal consent.  By following these two therapeutic tips, you will gain more emotional and psychological freedom.

If you are the victim of co-parenting gaslighting and/or narcissistic abuse and/or have a pending family court custody case, my office is in La Jolla, California and I offer in person and international skype sessions that won't sound as callous as this blogpost.  It is important to work with a therapist who understands the impacts of narcissism on a co-parenting family dynamic (including impacts on children and co-parents) as it is unlike any other "normal" co-parenting situation.   
Lily Kotila, M.A., M.A.T. 
(619) 750-2218

2.  A child spends isolated time with the narcissist parent

The more time a child spends in isolation time with the narcissist parent, the more s/he is either pushed into a Scapegoat or Golden Child role.  The more time the child spends alone with the narcissist parent, the more the child's voice and authentic self is shut down.

The child's self becomes replaced by encouraged emulation or projection of the Narcissist's behaviors including way of talking, ways of thinking, approved ways of dressing, interest in activities etc.  Similar to the co-parents voice not mattering to a narcissist parent, the child's voice also doesn't matter.  To a narcissist parent (whether a mother or father), all that matters pertains to the positioning of himself in the role of power, control and reverence. (Maternal narcissism and paternal narcissism present slightly differently as gender socialized roles are different).

When a narcissist parent remains in an in tact family, s/he often has less direct impact on the raising of a child as the non-narcissist parent takes over much of the conditioning, thus lessening the impact on a child's psyche.

www.livin4d.com
Narcissism can also be defined by low oxytocin levels.  Livin4d is a non-pathological approach to understanding differences in social behaviors.  Either therapeutic approach  makes sense.  Your view . . . is up to you.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

oXXytocin Biology and Psychology. The "Point? CHANGE" of genetic personalities. How it Works?

 Remember that GG is Blue Personality and AA is Orange Personality.  To help in remembering which color is associated with which genetic personality traits, one might think of “A” as being “Away” (Orange) and “G” as being “Gregarious” (Blue). While these two words represent only one small facet of personality attributes associated with the two colors (representing oxytocin level ranges), they are a good starting point to help you remember the overall differences. 

Aside from these two characteristics, to gain more understanding about the myriad of differences between the two oXXytocin level ranges, you can read more information written in the scholarly articles found at this link: 


There are actually 3 genetic variances (AA, AG, GG) for oXXytocin, known as polymorphic allelic variations located at the primary Oxytocin site on chromosome 3p25.  If there are 3 genetic variances, why are there only 2 genetic colored personality types?

There are only 2 genetic colored personality types: Orange (AA) and Blue (GG), even though there are three polymorphic allelic variations coding for oxytocin levels because the third variation of oxytocin (AG) has attributes that present in a personality type very similar to that of Blue.

The phenotype (presentation) of AG personality, which would be referred to as Green, does not have it’s own assigned personality color because the one G allele overpowers the one A allele, thus pulling it to the increased Oxytocin level side of the spectrum/scale referred to as Blue personality.

(That stated, there are some personality differences between Blue (GG) and Green (AG) as a result of carrying the one G nucleotide or marker in comparison to carrying the two G nucleotides, but differences are minimal so for now, LIVIN4d focuses on two personality types).

To parallel this oxytocin personality trait genetic transmission to the transmission of biological disorders, oxytocin could be considered similar to a point “mutation” (change) but without the personality trait being considered a disease as it does not have deleterious manifestations in the phenotype presentation.  It will be referenced as a “Point Change” to eliminate the “mutation” stigma.

Examples of “point mutations” can be observed in Sickle Cell Anemia or Cystic Fibrosis. Sickle Cell Anemia is located on Chromosome 11 and Cystic Fibrosis is located on Chromosome 7.  Each condition requires only one changed letter on chromosome 11 or 7 for the disease to manifest, similar to the change of an A to a G or vice versa on chromosome 3, manifesting a high or low level oxytocin personality range within a person.

(On a side-note when we more closely examine Sickle Cell Anemia and Cystic Fibrosis, it can be seen that heterozygous genetic carriers of the conditions have genetic and phenotypic assets with respect to the carriers' environments. A Sickle Cell Anemia carrier has a natural immunity to malaria while having no or very little symptoms of sickled hemoglobin.  Individuals carrying Cystic Fibrosis would survive extreme dysentery while having no increased production of mucosal goblet cells.   Science demonstrates that there are many assets to heterozygosity for many genetic diseases, like a win win of both worlds: carriers have the benefit of the disease without having the expressed symptoms.  


In terms of the oxytocin scale, the “would be” green or AG personality type is the genetic heterozygous form of the high levels of oxytocin and the low levels of oxytocin (even though Green’s phenotype (observable traits) is more similar to that of a high level oxytocin scale person).  To parallel this oxytocin personality trait phenotypic transmission to the transmission of biological disorders, the G nucleotide for increased oxytocin could be considered similar to an autosomal dominant disorder in that only one copy of a G is needed for higher levels of oxytocin to occur within an individual.  To repeat, levels of oxytocin are not "disordered."  An analogy is simply being made to transmission of genetic and phenotype traits.

It might be argued that similar to being a carrier for Sickle Cell Anemia and/or Cystic Fibrosis, the “would be” Green personality type has a natural personality “immunity/survival” in that it can travel and relate to all ranges of oxytocin personalities on either side of the spectrum (even though its phenotype manifests more blue personality traits).  Perhaps “would be” Green transcends many limiting effects experienced by being an Orange or Blue. Perhaps "would be" Green is immune to "malaria or dysentery " of the psyche and perhaps we don't yet even know what those are in terms of psyche.

Why the heck does this matter?  Who cares?  

Well, I don't know about the ladder, but it matters because knowing what personality type you are provides you with social navigational precision.  It externalizes innate assets and liabilities such that you can strengthen parts of personality and soften more salients aspects.  It allows for perception and knowing of the self and other in new ways, thus leading to expansion of connection.

Why does the genetic science behind Oxytocin and the mode of transmission matter?

Because most psychological theories and psychological methodologies or ways of understanding of people are subjective.   Color coordinated personalities finally blends true science with psychology.  It's no longer a guesswork of labels.  It goes below the levels of conditioning:  race, gender, age, socioeconomic level.  LIVIN4d is "base"d in truth.  

Speaking of which, I'm sure various "DSM-5 and ICD-10" diagnoses are associated with Blue or Orange personality types.  Eliminate diagnostic bulleted criteria and/or convert "NOS" disorders or those Not Otherwise Specified into diagnosable conditions. . . .if you want.

LIVIN4d is not about pathology.  I'm just imagining the tangential potentials.


Tuesday, October 11, 2016

oXXytocin Personalities: What is yours?

What is your oXXytocin personality range? Who cares? Why does it matter? Knowing if you are Orange or Blue oxytocin personality will change your view of self, other and relationships of all kinds.

What will Change?

  • You will parent differently
  • You will understand sibling differences differently
  • You will educate differently
  • You will relate to your spouse differently
  • You will understand extended family in new ways

Of course, you can keep living in 2d or 3d.  Makes no difference to me :)

We currently understand or attempt to understand human personalities through various socially conditioned lenses including:  gender, race, socioeconomic level, age, education level, position in family dynamic, life situations and events etc.

While environmental variables contribute to the influencing and shaping of our personalities, the primary core of who we are in the world is "base"d on our innate genetic oXXytocin level ranges. 

Our oXXytocin range or primary personality type of (Orange or Blueis determined by genetic variations coding for oxytocin on Chromosome 3.  We are born with these variations.

Where one lies on the oXXytocin range determines the ways s/he: thinks, communicates, listens, focuses, learns, talks, connects and experiences enjoyment, anger or sadness.  His/her range will determine her interest levels in physical involvement of activities.  Before any social conditioning and/or imprinting of psyche from the world (including gender), our primary personalities are genetically unique:  Orange (low level oxytocin range) or Blue (high level oxytocin range).  These variances in genetically determined Oxxytocin levels determine the foundation of who we are in the world and how we operate.

 Higher or lower oxytocin range does not mean better or worse.  One is not preferable over the other.  There are innate assets and liabilities to each color side of spectrum.  Learn how to optimize your relationships with new perspectives of self and other.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Narcissistic Gaslighting and Effects on Children


Narcissists can be one of two types quiet or loud. The loud narcissist is more commonly known as this type often occupies positions of high power and/or hollywood related type of roles in which attention is sought out and greatly enjoyed.  The quite type of narcissist often blame others for being crazy or mentally ill. They view others as deficient, stupid and needy.  A narcissist's references can often be masked in jokes. The quiet type needs to view others with these characteristics so that they can feel better about themselves.  

Narcissists are accused of using surrounding pawns as fish food for their narcissistic supply and when their ego is no longer fed, no more Phish Food is needed. It isn't sweet. Game Over.  

Typically, the bait is let free.  Many pawns who have been involved with Narcissists have PTSD, the effects of which can last years. It is unlike any other PTSD in that there is typically not a fear of death as exists in more traditional PTSD like a trapped POW war scenario. Instead, the PTSD is associated with a fear of: life's perceptions and intentions, trust of self, and close relationships, as reality of one's reality has shifted on such a deep level. 

Until Narcissist induced PTSD is processed out of the body and new cognitive beliefs are instilled, resulting in a possibility of re-establishing trust in the world, the 'victim' may exist in an empty shell. 
The new revised DSM [6] will include this specific Narcissist Victim PTSD diagnosis, as traumatic ramifications of the Narcissist 'victim' are quite unique.

Hopefully, the revised DSM will also include "victim's" age with respect to onset of Narcissist PTSD in terms of treatment as the emotional and cognitive ramifications of Narcissistic treatment that manifest are very differently for adults in comparison to children.

The diagnosis of PTSD with respect to children might examine if the Narcissist has placed the child into the Goldenchild category or that of Scapegoat. In the prior role, the child can do nothing wrong and s/he is spoiled, bragged about, and faults are ignored.  In the ladder role, the child is neglected, criticized and blamed. Whichever the assigned role, the child's real personality is ignored and the subsequent development of psyche is greatly affected, not only work respect to self view but in terms of relationships with others.
 
In relationships without children, typically, the narcissist moves on, looking for new bait to catch, bait who will elevate, idolize and once again, put the narcissist on a pedestal.  However, when a child is involved with a narcissist parent, the bait of co-parent and child aren't so lucky to be set free. A narcissist parent can be of either gender though research demonstrates that 75% of Narcissists are males. Dependent upon whether mother or father, the effects on son or daughter vary.

Not only does the narcissist parent have harmful impacts on the child's psyche, but the narcissist parent affects the child's relationship with the co-parent who is not the narcissist. The child's perception of the Non-Narcissist parent may get influenced from conditioning and overt or covert implications made by the Narcissist parent about the co-parent.

The child's relational dynamic with the non-narcissist parent is also affected by the scapegoat or golden child role enforced upon him/her while with the Narcissist. The child will inevitably display compensatory behaviors with the non-narcissist parent in attempt to support the Narcissist's assigned role and/or to gain freedom from it.

It is believed that some narcissists act with pernicious intent while other narcissists operate in a state of oblivion. Regardless of the hypothesized culprit, the effects on children are devastating in that their egoic heart selves are not allowed to be present in the world.

While this article describes the current psychological view with respect to Narcissism, there is currently not a lot of literature surrounding Narcissist Victim PTSD and Narcissistic effects on children. 

LIVIN4d:  A new perspective on Narcissism without pathology 

Lily Kotila, M.A., M.A.T. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who practices psychotherapy at her private practice office in La Jolla. With a complementary background in teaching / education, Lily guides children to move into their authentic selves.

 

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Metastasized Trauma: Neutralize your Ph....UCK. Keep your emotions pH less than 8

 
(The white circles in these pictures represent PTSD associations and the importance of awareness and containment of them. For example, maybe one experienced a near drowning of self or other in a body of water last summer and a pool could elicit stress symptomology.  Or, the news is focusing on a theme related to an incident in which a trauma was experienced, thus hearing about the theme and/or reading about it causes an increased trauma activation response. Perhaps the sound of a guitar creates an associative connection to a PTSD incident. With awareness of trauma triggers, the triggers can be tagged and bubbled allowing for navigational control of how much one allows the bubbles to penetrate the psyche. 

This article describes PTSD and trauma spreading. It provides techniques for containment of PTSD fires and for decreasing the metastatic spreading of t t t t t t t t rauma. T-cell ....the immune response of T-rauma psyche). 

If you have been severely Traumatized and/or you have experienced a continuation of ongoing traumatizations that continue to accumulate in your life, it is important to be aware of certain concepts that will help you create an emotional safety blanket.

Traumas are like wild fires or emotional cancers. Without putting the breaks on Ttrauma and surrounding it with that safety blanket, your PTSD tumor will emotionally, somatically and behaviorally metastasize. Without trauma containment, when exposed to seemingly neutral environmental conditions perceived by other, your trauma response will elicit a cortisol stress response of fight, flight or freeze specific to your trauma. This PTSD response is the equivalent to the cancer spread of psyche. You will either go further and further into social isolation of your inner world and/or you may aggressively act out to the external world. Regardless of traveled trauma response direction, an un-contained trauma will result in emotional death and resulting DSM-5, ICD-10 diagnoses of other accompanying psychiatric disorders.

PTSD or post traumatic stress disorder is not who a person is in his/her heart. PTSD is as if the personality, psyche and body have been hijacked. There is a loss of self that is experienced by the self regarding memories of feelings and ways of being and thinking from who the self used to be.  While this change of personality can more easily be identified in the war veteran population after they return from combat, sometimes for others, it is not so easy to recognize. 

Family, friends and colleagues may or may not notice a difference in a person who has Trauma or PTSD. Their awareness is partly dependent upon how much the individual's PTSD fire or tumor has spread, coupled with how in tune they are with respect to the person experiencing trauma. 

Personal egos of family and surrounding support often get involved with manifestations of emotional traumas due to their taking trauma reactions personally. As a result, the trauma victim often gets blamed and further traumatized as s/he doesn't receive needed support. To have a relationship with a person who has endured severe trauma takes a lot of ego strength both of the victim and of the supporter.

So, as to not fall deeper into the rabbit hole of trauma responses including: heightened emotions, trauma mapped thinking patterns and resulting behaviors including reacting and/or withdrawing,  please keep in mind the following CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) trauma concepts that can be utilized:

(Keep in mind that some CBT trauma concepts may be be possible to utilize in certain scenarios while other may not be possible).

BODY
1. Bring awareness to breathing.

Inhale into belly and forcefully release or let go of exhale through the mouth holding absolutely nothing back. The concept is similar to a damn being removed from a river. 

2. Consciously relax your muscles of body, shoulders and pelvic bones, hips and buttocks letting them fall away with gravity. ...almost as if you are a bird letting go of your puffed body.

3. With each inhale, notice your muscles of body rising or puffing  (shoulders and chest) and as you exhale, let your muscles quickly drop again as you let go.

4. Also let go of myofacial tension and holding in the massater muscle and jaw. Notice any clenching of teeth. Relax your tongue. Perhaps bring your lower jaw and teeth to fall into an under bite position as you hang your head forward. You may feel your wisdom teeth resting on each other as the contact points may be change from your traditional bite.

5.  Relax and unfocus your eyes.

6. If you need to hold and grip the earth with your toes or feet, do so but be aware that your toes are gripping so that the process is conscious. 

MIND
1. Notice landmine words in which you internally react. Either verbalize these words to the person with whom you are interacting such that different words may be chosen, or mute the words out from the conversation in your mind. Either technique lessens the PTSD association to the word. You can mute or turn down the volume on PTSD associated words by breathing and/or focusing on other areas of the conversation. Recognize those words as emotional forest fire ambers or metastatic cancers. Don't feed them or they will grow. Don't allow for them to cause the internal or external increased PTSD reaction. Often, the awareness is enough to prevent the spread. 

2. If you find yourself getting pulled into a PTSD reaction, you may tune into your senses:

Notice the breeze
Notice something pretty with your eyes from the surround
Rub, brush your hand or arm lightly with your finger
Smell a flower or aromatherapy 
Sing a song in your mind (even if a person is talking)
Make fun of the person talking in your mind "Sense of Humor" hahaha

3. As you walk through your life, eliminate associated triggers in the your mind by redirecting thought and focus. For example, if you were T-boned by a red car and you experience a somatic response to seeing red cars, consciously focus on blue cards or silver cars. If there was a house accident that involved taking a family member to the hospital, and at the time you were eating on white and green plates when the accident happened, this dishware could be imprinted in the mind with an increased cortisol release and PTSD response. As you move into the future, the white and green plates could be equivalent to the PTSD 'a'version to the pavlovian dog salivating effect.  The plates could elicit an activated nervous system response simply due to association at time of traumatic event.  Get rid of the plates. Your health is worth a new investment. "Dish" out the money. Celebrate ... Mazel Tov.

SOCIAL
1. Box-cutter:  be hyper-aware of not allowing others to carry you into their perceptions, thoughts or steering of conversations. Put on the breaks before you explode or withdraw.

If you notice you are being categorized, boxed in or carried into a false truth of other, don't participate or engage. Redirect the conversation, contain it, put boundaries or let the person know she is speaking for herself and not you.  Cut yourself out of the communication boxes without exiting the conversation.

 Or, if an assumption is made, for example: "What are you doing about your PTSD?" when you are dealing with something not related to PTSD .....don't let that comment take away your power in the situation by conveniently masking the questioner's issue into your "problem." Don't own what's not yours and don't allow for others to not be accountable for who they are in the world due to a PTSD deflection.

2.  Fish net:  people with Trauma and PTSD are super aware of incongruencies. They see through indirect conversational attempts at entrapment and control. They are often in tune with the assumptions guiding talk long before the talker has awareness. (Another perspective to this "hyper-alertness" is that PTSD breaks away human conditionings that are frivolous and non sensical resulting with the individual's ability to focus on the heart of what matters. After all, when one experiences a brush with life and death, it changes the relationship colors to life's picture. PTSD doesn't have to result in a bleak scape, though many people who have not experienced trauma don't know how to connect below the conditionings so the surface level talk of most limits the amount of possible real genuine connections. Many people don't know hot to let go of egoic mind and connect beyond social and academic  logic within the space of the heart). Don't get caught in defense for the result by default is net entrapment.  Just swim forward.  Many people have become cold and calloused fishes.  Don't let their scaled words hold weight in your psyche.

2. SITS:  SUDDEN/subtle INSTANT TRAUMA SITUATIONS:  Be aware of environments including: parties,  sounds, restaurants, times of day, driving highways, speeds, work etc. that may trigger your PTSD response such that you can be more patient and gentle with yourself and your responses in these scenarios. Give yourself an emotional break.

3. Accept and enjoy living at a slower pace. Allot for more time to not only SIT but to slow down in both in talk and travel. Most people are too rushed anyway. Keep your cortisol low and your steps slow.