Narcissistic Gaslighting and Effects on Children

Narcissists can be one of two types quiet or loud. The loud narcissist is more commonly known as this type often occupies positions of high power and/or hollywood related type of roles in which attention is sought out and greatly enjoyed.  The quite type of narcissist often blame others for being crazy or mentally ill. They view others as deficient, stupid and needy.  A narcissist's references can often be masked in jokes. The quiet type needs to view others with these characteristics so that they can feel better about themselves.  

Narcissists are accused of using surrounding pawns as fish food for their narcissistic supply and when their ego is no longer fed, no more Phish Food is needed. It isn't sweet. Game Over.  

Typically, the bait is let free.  Many pawns who have been involved with Narcissists have PTSD, the effects of which can last years. It is unlike any other PTSD in that there is typically not a fear of death as exists in more traditional PTSD like a trapped POW war scenario. Instead, the PTSD is associated with a fear of: life's perceptions and intentions, trust of self, and close relationships, as reality of one's reality has shifted on such a deep level. 

Until Narcissist induced PTSD is processed out of the body and new cognitive beliefs are instilled, resulting in a possibility of re-establishing trust in the world, the 'victim' may exist in an empty shell. 

The new revised DSM [6] will include this specific Narcissist Victim PTSD diagnosis, as traumatic ramifications of the Narcissist 'victim' are quite unique.

Hopefully, the revised DSM will also include "victim's" age with respect to onset of Narcissist PTSD in terms of treatment as the emotional and cognitive ramifications of Narcissistic treatment that manifest are very differently for adults in comparison to children.

The diagnosis of PTSD with respect to children might examine if the Narcissist has placed the child into the Goldenchild category or that of Scapegoat. In the prior role, the child can do nothing wrong and s/he is spoiled, bragged about, and faults are ignored.  In the ladder role, the child is neglected, criticized and blamed. Whichever the assigned role, the child's real personality is ignored and the subsequent development of psyche is greatly affected, not only work respect to self view but in terms of relationships with others.

 

In relationships without children, typically, the narcissist moves on, looking for new bait to catch, bait who will elevate, idolize and once again, put the narcissist on a pedestal.  However, when a child is involved with a narcissist parent, the bait of co-parent and child aren't so lucky to be set free. A narcissist parent can be of either gender though research demonstrates that 75% of Narcissists are males. Dependent upon whether mother or father, the effects on son or daughter vary.

Not only does the narcissist parent have harmful impacts on the child's psyche, but the narcissist parent affects the child's relationship with the co-parent who is not the narcissist. The child's perception of the Non-Narcissist parent may get influenced from conditioning and overt or covert implications made by the Narcissist parent about the co-parent.

The child's relational dynamic with the non-narcissist parent is also affected by the scapegoat or golden child role enforced upon him/her while with the Narcissist. The child will inevitably display compensatory behaviors with the non-narcissist parent in attempt to support the Narcissist's assigned role and/or to gain freedom from it.

It is believed that some narcissists act with pernicious intent while other narcissists operate in a state of oblivion. Regardless of the hypothesized culprit, the effects on children are devastating in that their egoic heart selves are not allowed to be present in the world.

While this article describes the current psychological view with respect to Narcissism, there is currently not a lot of literature surrounding Narcissist Victim PTSD and Narcissistic effects on children. 

LIVIN4d:  A new perspective on Narcissism without pathology 

Lily Kotila, M.A., M.A.T. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who practices psychotherapy at her private practice office in La Jolla. With a complementary background in teaching / education, Lily guides children to move into their authentic selves.