Blended Talk Soup

When people share time and space together, there are many conversations exchanged, many topics explored, many requests made and many “important” things to be heard.  There are many petes and repeats.  There are many petes and repeats. WHAT?

“Talk and listening” dynamics between two people occur in between the spaces of life in which we work, in which we are parents, in which we are friends and in which we play.     When people are in relation with each other over time and when they live together, it can become hard to differentiate among varying levels of valued importance with respect to expression.

Much dialogue blends together into “talk soup.”  Talk soup can create difficulty in relationships because one person might feel like she makes a clear and prominent request or statement to her partner.  Meanwhile, her partner hears that request or statement like all the other “blah blah blah” talk that is mumbled in the background.  The partner will often not remember what is said because he doesn’t realize it is important in comparison to the other talk.  As a result, either he will not follow through, or he will do or say something that reveals his not “remembering”.  Then he will get blamed for not being emotionally available, present or a good listener. 

The salient dynamics and aspects of talk need to be highlighted.  Time needs to be paused in communication and extra focus of attention needs to be brought to the ingredients of conversation that are important to bring attention.  A space for memory retention needs to be created. 

Digressing from the soup analogy for a moment and using a ‘season’al metaphor of another variety. . hot summer days might blend together into our memories.  If however, it hails on a given summer day and golf size ice balls fall to  ground, one will remember that day standing out in mind. . . .especially if one gets hit in the head . . .hahahah..  It’s not that we are that dense as human beings, not all the time anyway  . . . .lol . 

And it’s not that people aren’t good listeners or forgetful.  Sometimes those variables are the case, but often when an aspect of conversation gets missed, it’s equally the talker’s fault as the listener is to blame.  It is the talker’s responsibility to bring focus to the salt and pepper of talk soup.  If she doesn’t bring focus, by presenting the “Salient” and “Prominent” points, they will not be noticed.  It will not be remembered that these condiments are there or that they can or should be used again in the future.

If you take a look around you with your ears, you will begin to hear all the mundane “jibberish” people mumble.  So many of us fill minute after minute, hour after hour  with this opinion and with that opinion.  There is something to be said about her, some gossip to be had about him, a mumble about the colleague, a grunt about time of day, a complaint about the chores etc etc. .  The frivolous chit chatter becomes the blended talk soup that by default gets tuned out.

As the expression goes, “be impeccable with your word.”  In the literal sense of interpretation, this saying means to be honest.  I would suggest that being impeccable with word also means to selectively choose what you want to talk about, what is important to focus on and the impression you want to create of who you are and what values you have in the world.

Aside from choosing words that reflect who you are and/or who you want to be in the world, how you want to think and interact, it is also important to choose words that matter and are significant.  Each word, sentence and thought is external clothing of your soul.  Chicken Soup?  Hmmm.  Next time you open your mouth, ask yourself if you are sharing an ingredient that is worth digesting and mentally or emotionally ruminating on.  Is the flavor sweet?  Sour?  Bitter?  A wasted more’sal’???

Talking and filling time with chatter is often an external manifestation of internal attachment issues to other and/or existential relationship to purpose, reality and being. Furthermore, when one fills time with excessive talk, it often results in that person being less and less heard.  This tuned down volume results in the person talking even louder and it becomes a perpetual cycle of muted ingredients, all flavors simmered to blah blah blah blah.

Anyway, I guess selectively pruning all talk is a philosophical idealistic approach to communication – but remember when you can. . . . to pick and choose your word ingredients carefully – remember that slowing down time to appreciate and notice talk flavors is an important measure.  Intensify voice, affect and or repeat several times back to back the aspects of dialogue that you want to stand out in someone’s mind and psyche so that your relationship doesn’t turn into a “bowl full of mush”  . . . .or a quiet old lady might unconsciously whisper hush.  

For talk soup and other therapeutic suggestions, visit www.edginglife.com

Relational Trauma Mapping: Neurological Trauma Activation Response

 The below neurological diagrams represent:

• cognitive thinking patterns
• association routes
• emotional parallels and
• responding pathways

Colored nerve cells and messaging routes overlay the maps.  The nerve heads are made up of neurons with dendrites radiating off of them in star like patterns.  The axons are the long tails exiting the neurons that are covered by myelin sheeths.  The brain's communication messages (in the form of neurotransmitters and electrical charge potentials) travel down the axon pathways and make jumps or synapses from one to nerve cell to another nerve cell.  The messages are received by dendrites.  A synaptic transmission is like making a phone call to a friend and having him/her pick up and receive the call.

Neurological Map A 

The un-triggered self responds to people and situations in neurological ways and directions that are not "activated."

The untriggered self is neutral of "ego related emotional charge." In this space, the person is able to be rational, objective and open-minded to new content and connected, growing shared interaction and experiences.

The new content and experience will be attached to, or filtered through pre-existing neurological frameworks in order for the new content to be anchored, remembered and accessible in the future.  As new content is attached to a pre-existing framework, it is made sense of through that framework (represented blue by the blue neurological road maps above) in the present and in the referenced/reflected future.

It is important to be in an un-triggered neuronal map zone for clear perspective of understanding and in order for true connection, emotional presence and shared building of experience to happen.

Or, as you will read more about below, if you are in a neuronally "activated" space (usually from Trauma, traumas, PTSD, adverse memories and difficult emotions), it is important to know your associated: cognitive thinking patterns, associative routes, emotional parallels and responding pathways such that your triggered neuronal pathways don't run your thinking, interactions and responses.

Even in an untriggered neuronal zone as seen in "neurological map A," the neurological map of the receiver isn't always aligned with the latitude and longitude internal reference grids of the presenter, and a discrepancy in communication may occur as mental GPS coordinates are askew. 

Discrepancies often do not cause relational friction in the moment.  Discrepancy or "miss-communication" becomes realized at a later point in time due to a future exchange or revelation that references the original miss-connect, bringing the discrepancy into conscious awareness.

In an ideal world, conscious relational discrepancies or internal discrepancies should be explored as to where the possible erroneous neurological interpretation routes occurred.  Curious investigation and solution finding with respect to miss-communications will decrease patterns of friction and fighting.  This answer seeking is important to do because the dynamic of friction doesn't even involve activated triggers yet.  It is simply a matter of different mental internal imagery associated to shared language.

 Neurological Map B

When people intensely react, get triggered, emotionally reactive and/or charged, it is usually because something in the environment, event, transaction, talk, facial expression, tone, content etc. opens up a neurological network response of trauma, PTSD, or previously emotionally charged content of neurological patterns within the brain.  This trauma network response can be seen by the red neuronal responses to the trigger activator.

Neuronal pathway responses resulting from a "trigger activation" might include associations directly or indirectly related to the present environment (including people).  Regardless of how directly correlated the internal neuronal memory events  are with respect to the environment,  or perception of the environment, when Neurological Map B is activated, the response results in an increased affect response to the present environment usually manifesting in withdrawing and/or attacking.  These pull and push emotional directions are related to trauma activated tangential thoughts, memories, emotional states etc.

As you can see in the two diagrams, the neuronal response pathways between an untriggered response and a triggered trauma response are very different.   When Neuronal Map B is activated from an external stimuli or perceived external stimuli, connected and paralleling neuron bundles of association and trauma memories get elicited from a resting section of the brain into conscious awareness.  

Unless conversation is paused between two people and time is allotted for exploration of neuronal connectivity trauma associations, Neurological Map B will often result in relational friction. If it is difficult for the receiver to identify his own triggered neuronal associations, obviously, it is also difficult for the presenter (not that it his responsibility though it is supplementary form of loving - to help a partner identify his trauma neurological triggers).

There are times when a presenter will be able to identify a trauma activated neuronal pathway map of the receiver without the receiver knowing that he is being triggered.  As one might imagine, it takes artistic cognitive skill to lovingly guide the receiver into self-exploration and trauma mapping identification of associated memories and emotions affecting current activated response.

If one is aware of his internal body or mental cues (increasing heart rate, feeling hot, anxiety vibrations, starting to say mean things, malicious or destructive thoughts etc.) that signal increasing reactivity resulting from neurological trauma trigger activations, it is important to slow communication down in order to get off the platform of Neurological Map B and red associative synapses, allowing for return to a blue map of untriggered response. This slowing down is important in order to gain awareness of the trauma triggered response whether in communication with other or by the self.  Awareness will decrease the intensity and duration of Neurological Map B responses at future points in time.

 Once trauma neuronal patterns and pathways are recognized, it is easier to stay connected in relationships and or the surrounding environment because requests and/or internal or external adjustments can be made with respect to the situation that has activated the trauma response. This neuronal concept of activation is similar to the way the immune system of the body works.  When a pathogen enters the body, the body detects it and activates B cells, T cells, macrophages, lymphokines etc.

With respect to the immune system, if preventative steps are taken in order to avoid the acquiring of a cancer or pathogen etc. it is a much easier route rather than if resulting steps are needed to deal with the cancer manifestation.  These ladder steps often include chemo therapy, radiation and/or surgeries.  The same concept can be applied to Neurological Map B trauma activation in that it is easier to preventatively contain trauma activation than it is to deal with relational metastasis and the necessary repairs.

Neurological Map C

Just like Neurological Map B came with it's own internal response pathways associated with an environmental event or perceived environmental event, Neurological Map C has it's own internal response activation pathways that look, respond, act and feel differently from the B activated response.  The two examples: B and C neurological responses demonstrate that the same person can be triggered by different stimuli "trigger activators" and as a result, two very different neurological activation responses can occur, each with a unique set of memories, emotions, thoughts and responses.

One can do much individual trauma therapy healing involving awareness of B and C Map routes and  strategies of returning to Map A.  This stated, unless one works through traumas of the self with respect to how the they get interpersonally triggered and activated in a relationship, all the individual trauma work in the world will not help share love and lives with another person.  This fact may or may not be an issue for someone.

The biggest difficulty surrounding relational trauma activation arises when two individuals have trauma roads that overlay each other and both people become simultaneously ungrounded and blinded to self and other's trauma activation process resulting in unchecked triggers and escalating friction with no insight to put on the breaks.  This dual trauma activated dynamic can be resolved, it just takes time, effort, wisdom and dedication to reach a shared vision/goal.

Building of trust between people is formed through the understanding and mapping of neurological trauma maps.  Whether both partners are involved in the trauma mapping process or one partner becomes self aware of the interpersonal triggers that get neurologically activated, the conversation can be directed, redirected and re-routed as to help the person and the dynamic return to functioning on untriggered map A.

Aside from Neurological maps A, B and C, when addiction of any kind is involved, the person and/or interchange is not even about whether or not someone is activated via Neurological Maps B or C, and there is certainly not an ability for the person to think, act or interact on the untriggered neurological map A.

A person's who is actively engaged in addiction has a neurological system that operates on an entirely different switchboard from A, B or C.  Once that addiction switchboard is turned on, the neurological platform A has been "hijacked" and "slimed."  On some level, an addict has made the decision to no longer operate using life's neurological maps. Therefore B and C don't even exist.

To repeat, when in the state of ADDICTION, the self has been hijacked.  For an addict to connect with his true untriggered self and his trauma mapping routes B and C (which are the result of being alive +/- intensities of traumas), he must first reset his addictive neurological routes by clearing out the addiction.