Wednesday, December 28, 2016

LIVIN4d's Personality Parents: Orange or Blue?

Differences in Blue and Orange Parenting Types
 37% of people are Blue (Many European descent)
63% of people are Orange (Many Asian descent)

http://www.livin4d.com/

 

Understand your parenting personality color: Orange type or Blue type and gain more skills from the color type that does not come naturally to you such that you have a balanced way of viewing and responding to your child. 

Understand your personaltiy color type, your partner's type and your child's innate predisposition and have better communication skills to maximize understanding and bonding.

Stop the blame game and move into solution that is "base"d in hard science.  

For already existing research and peer reviewed scholarly articles, visit:

http://www.livin4d.com/research.html

"Body Talk"

Eding Life introduces Body Talk . . . 
Not only a modernized version of Gestalt and Experiential Therapy, but "Body Talk" is supported with scientific underpinning.  It is a modality you can use at home.

Move your being into the NOW of your life.  Release the full potential of your POWER by clearing your nervous system of unnecessary built emotional blockages. Without removal of these blockages, your system becomes like a river with a damn.  Your nervous system and associated emotions in your body will build and overflow with anger, sadness or anxieties.  The body's build of these emotions can result in altered neurotransmitter levels.  It can result in acting out or acting in behaviors including but not limited to:  rage, withdrawal, avoidance, irritation, depression, addiction, alcoholism, gambling food issues, cutting, sexual issues and more. 

Empower yourself and/or re-empower yourself.  Or .....

Learn who the self is in the first place?

Find expressive songs with lyrics that resonate with your psyche, events and relationships.  Express yourself to you, the universe and if you want.....to others. Understand how you truly feel on the inside by giving yourself a chance to become external with your emotions beyond talk.

Access your sympathetic nervous system (movement) to release trapped sedentary emotions associated with thought and neurotransmitters that are stuck within your parasympathetic nervous (non-movement) system and associated resting states.  It is these stuck emotional states building within your soma-body that become the damn of the river.  Control your "DAMN" with Body Talk.

The sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system work antagonistically with each other. Just as you would work out the triceps one day at the gym and the biceps the next day in order to balance the muscles of the body, so too does the nervous system need to be balanced, yet we provide no teaching and/or opportunities for this emotional balancing.  

If you just experience emotional builds in your parasympathetic state, with no training how to balance and release them via your sympathetic routes . . . ..you will never experience "swimming in the water."  You will only experience "reading and/or talking about swimming in the water."  Do you want to be the expert of talk of swim? Or do you want to be the expert of swim. (Remove the) DAMN.  It's pretty simple.

(I won't go too tangential here, but we don't even teach people to have talking relationships and functional dynamics, let alone body talk. I guess it's like the same concept of swimming.  We don't talk about talking.  Therefore ....we are great talkers of talking about talk.

Is it any surprise that divorce rate is 50%? and/or family courts are inundated with cases? No.  Hmm. I wonder why we don't teach people - beginning in elementary school?  What if people truly knew how to communicate without criticism while honoring the body, mind and spirit?  Would we need the amount of therapists? Lawyers?  Psychiatrists? and the related professionals to that field.  Tangent over).

Body talk alters somatic states and experientially honors emotions and trapped feelings.  It provides a direct opportunity for the decrease of stress, depression and other feelings of body & mind associated with undesired (acted in & acted out) emotions. Decrease depression by naturally altering dopamine states.  Decrease anxiety by naturally altering cortisol states.  Make intrinsic pathways between emotional states and body talk an easy "go to" route such that you have POWER of your verbal choices, behavioral choices and manifestations of you in your life.

Train your body to travel new psycho-somatic pathways of mind and body emotions that are beyond your traditional “tracks.”  Don’t just be “set” in your ways.....Move  "FOG I and FOG II" (of muscle and mind) in new ways for spiritual clarity. From a once AFAA approved personal trainer and group fitness instructor.

If you are really daring, and/or want to Edge your Life, try communicating with Body Talk to a loved one with whom you feel stuck getting across a certain point. 


"Family Fantasy Friends" operates with similar foundational underpinnings as "Body Talk." I'll be "blunt"......No such thing as a Dead End. Find new strands of connect, unless you want to cut.

For Body Talk and many other Therapeutic Tools, visit:  Edging Life

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Talk level? Intimacy level? Emotional level?

Oxytocin Personality Scale [1-3], [3-5], [5-7]

What is Oxytocin?
Oxytocin is a hormone and a neurotransmitter.  When investigated as a neurotrnasmitter, unique personality attributes are observed dependent upon whether one has high level or low level of oxytocin.

Where do you fall on the spectrum? Where is she on the spectrum? 

If we know where we exist on the oxytocin spectrum, we can better understand ourselves and our emotional responses in the world.  We can better understand our learning styles, our memory patterns and our preferences for social interaction.  We can better understand parenting styles and sexual drives.

We can also better understand  his/her view of life, his/her behaviors, his/her emotions and how s/he operates in the world.

As a result of knowing oxytocin level ranges (Blue or Orange), we can better navigate our relational dynamics due to the acceptance of these innate personality discrepancies. 

We will no longer ask questions like:

  • "how come you never want to have sex?" 
  • "How come you can't see that she's upset?" 
  • "Why don't you ever want to go to the party?" 
  • "Why can't you remember when I ask you something?"

Instead, we will ask questions like:
  • "Babe, I know you're orange personality type, but I'm a blue....what can we do to have more intimacy?" 
  • "Hey honey....you're a blue personality type, she's upset but you are perceiving it more magnified than I think it needs to be perceived." 
  • "Friend, I'd really like to go to the party together.  I know you are orange personality type and being extremely social isn't your idea of a great time....what if we go to the party and only stay an hour?" 
  • "I know Blue kid.  ....you were having an emotional week from your breakup - I'm going to remind you that your paper is due this week (because chances are memory retreival is more affected by emotional response).

Are you starting to understand how personality navigation based on LIVIN4d's oxytocin level testing can help optimize relational dynamics?  It removes some of the blame, frustration and defense.  It provides blueprints for understanding self and other and eliminates much arbitrary psychological guesswork and overlay of assumptions.

One's oxytocin range is determined at birth. S/he can have 1/3 following oxytocin nucleotide genetic combinations located on Chromosome 3p25:

AA = lower levels of oxytocin (Orange)
GG = higher levels of oxytocin (Blue)
AG = higher levels of oxytocin (heterozygous form - some attributes of AA) (Green)

As Blue and Green personalities share quite similar attributes, for sake of ease, LIVIN4d has combined these two personality colors into Blue personality type when it comes to laboratory testing results.  However, in this post, subtle differencees between Blue and Green personalities can be understood.

Oxytocin Personality Scale assciated with psychological and disposition attributes:

5-7 = Most
3-5 = Intermediate
1-3 = Few

The below psychological variables are genetically determined.  They can be subtly influenced by environment but the framework is the framework.  By accepting one's innate personality type, LIVIN4d optimizes interactional exchanges between and among the different personality types by teaching  and understanding of skills to better connect.

BLUE                                                          GREEN                                     ORANGE
  •   Trust: 5-7                                      Trust:  3-5                                Trust:  1-3
  •    Fear: 5-7                                       Fear: 3-5                                  Fear:   1-3
  •   Risk Taking: 1-3                             Risk Taking: 3-5                      Risk Taking: 5-7
  •   Social Bonding: 5-7                     Social Bonding: 3-5                Social Bonding: 1-3  
  •   Generosity: 5-7                            Generosity: 3-5                       Generosity: 1-3
  •   Perspective Range: 5-7               Perspective Range: 1              Perspective Range: 1-3
  •   Empathy: 5-7                                Empathy: 3-5                         Empathy: 1-3
  •   Arousal: 5-7                                  Arousal: 3-5                           Arousal: 1-3
  •   Monogomy: 5-7                           Monogomy: ?                         Monogomy: 1-3
  •   Social memory: 5-7                     Social Memory: 3-5              Social Memory: 1-3
  •   Aversion memory: 1-3                 Aversion memory: 1-3          Aversion memory: 5-7 
  •   Flexibility:  5-7                              Flexibility ?                             Flexibility: 1-3

If you know the oxytocin level or genetic personality type of self and other, you will have much more control in outcome of the above variables as you can manage your approach and interaction accordingly.

If you are an orange personality type, you learn better through the use of less descriptive words.  You may not understand this written post due to some of the more abstract concepts, (not because you aren't smart). If you are a blue personality type, you will probably get this post.  If I were to write this post geared toward an orange personality type, I would state the following:


It's simple.  Orange talks less.  Blue talks more. Orange likes less sex.  Blue prefers more sex. Orange enjoys more independent activities.  Blue prefers social engagements.  Got it?

Cool.

Art of Listening: Chew on This


Edging Life

Listening is an art.  Dare I say it is a lost art?

Most people don’t know how to listen.  They respond with:
  • Directives
  • Opinions
  • Tangential concepts
  • Personal reflections 
  •  Minimizing statements
  • Leading statements
  • No response at all

If the listener’s ego becomes involved, responses typically include:
  • Defense
  • Excuses
  • Counter blame
  • Comparison to previous experiences negating the listener’s experience
  • Reference to a supportive army of others who would think differently

Without the talker stating his intended focus and/or the listener requesting this focus, the listener often doesn’t know the intention of the talker(Sometimes the talker doesn’t know his own purpose). 

As a result, the listener has no idea where to focus his ear and/or how to angle his response.  The listener doesn’t even know if an angle of response is being sought or there is simply a desire for mirrored reflection or imagined empathy if in similar shoes. 

If the talker shares more than a few sentences, the listener will often jump in with a response based on his perspective of importance to the conversation with respect to what has been heard.


Example:  The woman at work Charlotte  talks all the time about how she thinks her boyfriend is cheating on her.” 

Without focused intention, some responses might include, “Just tell her to get rid of him.”  “You guys should stop gossiping and focus on what you’re supposed to do anyway.”  “Don’t let her rub off on you.” “She must have low self esteem.”  “Who cares.”

As you can see, there are many possible focuses and angles of response by the listener.  The talker will inevitably feel frustration toward the listener if the point the talker was trying to make was that:  s/he didn’t want to listen to these types of her colleague’s statements anymore.  Perhaps the talker was looking for imagined reflection of her own experience to colleague’s story (embarrassment due to association, frustration with regurgitation, boredom, exploration of her own ideas regarding the colleague’s insecurities, curiosity about how to influence the colleague to leave her boyfriend and/or if she should have an opinion at all.  Perhaps the talker was looking for guidance on how to communicate to the colleague that she didn’t want to be involved in this type of communication dynamic.   Without focused intention, the talker and listener lose connection and possibly even create friction if the art of listening is not cultivated.

Not only do the above responses interfere with good listening and feeling heard resulting in lack of connection, other variables should be considered for the art of listening as well.  While there is a talking and listening exchange, people should not:

  • Have the TV and/or background radio turned on
  • Be performing other tasks such as washing the dishes or typing on the internet
  • Be looking at facebook or on the phone
  • Be in a rush to get somewhere unless time frame for talk has been pre-agreed upon

Remember that face to face communication, possible eye contact,  tone of voice and facial expressions are also important  aspects in the art of listening in both the talker and the listener.

When people get to know each other better, and conversational focus is understood, complex responses to a talker might include:
  • Language weaves of previous similar content examples
  • Response questions
  • Exceptions to “the rule” (if a negative viewpoint)
  • Supportive references in agreement of “the rule”
  • Reminders of what has worked and or been done in the past
  • Imagined possible outcome scenarios……and much more. 

Keep in mind however, that the talker may not want to digress in his/her internal mental imagery by language tree-branching to different or related content from what is being shared.  Therefore when doing so, it is important to ask.

Using the above simple example, more complex responses from the listener might include but are not limited to: 

Language weave: “Cindy used to often talk negatively about her husband too.  How did that go?  Did it bother you?  What was different?  Did she stop talking about it?  What else did you guys focus on?   Does it seem to you like your colleagues have a tendency to talk about their relationship issues?  Can you respond to Charlotte in a similar way to Cindy?  Doesn’t Charlotte talk to Jack and Henry about the same thing? 
Response questions:  What about Charlotte’s talk bothers you? What are you looking for in my response to your share?
Exceptions to “the rule:”  Does she talk about other things?  Last week it sounded like you guys were connecting when you were discussing politics and going dancing yeah? 
Agreement to “the rule:”  “Yeah.  You’ve been mentioning this now for 6 months.  Do you think she’ll do anything about it? 

Imagined possible outcome scenarios: “Do you still want to be friends with her?” “Do you think she’ll ever stop?”  “What about her talking about her boyfriend cheating bothers you? “

The talker often just wants to feel heard.  Feeling heard is typically not experienced when the response is, “oh. I see.”  Or “Ahh.”  As mentioned, sometimes, she wants perspective opportunities, empathy and or questions asked. 

It is not uncommon for a listener to feel like, “I don’t care about Charlotte and what does this have to do with me?  How dumb etc.  Therefore, the listener will not entertain engagement with respect to the content. 

Keep in mind that we do not all share the same interests of focus, nor are we affected by the same things.  If we care about the person with whom we are sharing communication, it is important to suspend the self for a short period of time, to listen and to make an effort to engage.  If you are a listener, be conscious of the extent to which you respond with the above variables.

For Skype and/or in person communication sessions, contact Lily Kotila by email or phone:

(619) 750 2218 (United States)
(619) 822 2072 (International)