Trauma & Touch: The Importance of Non-Sexual Connection

When people have been traumatized in life whether it be of body or mind, they can retreat deeper and deeper into themselves, isolating into protective bubbles from surrounding perceived threats. These  threats may or may not be real, but the perception of them is very real in that the perception is filtered through an activated sympathetic nervous system. 

An activated sympathetic nervous system means that there is a flooding of cortisol in the body (among other increases of neurotransmitters and hormones) that create a high anxiety alert mode response to a situation.  A non-PTSD response would occur within the parasympathetic nervous system which is more of an emotional resting state for the individual without the stress hormones over-intensifying the internal or external reaction.


What is perceived as a threat by one who has PTSD may be experienced as completely non-threatening to someone else.  It is not uncommon for a non-PTSDer to be quite surprised by what s/he perceives to be an "exaggerated" response by one who has PTSD.  If this trauma concept isn't addressed within relationships and discussed in terms of how it manifests with respect to relational interactions, the response can quickly initiate a spark which quickly burns into high intensity fighting.

When couples are educated not only about:

• symptoms of PTSD
• the effects it has on relationships
• and the best ways to deal with the trauma for both partners (the PTSDer and the non-PTSDer), such that their emotional, spiritual and mental needs can be supported, they can have very loving and connected relationships.

The concept of differing perception of threat between individuals is true for everyone depending on the content, whether or not an individual has PTSD. However, a perceived threat can manifest in a more pronounced reaction in one who has PTSD than from one who does not.

Depending on the internal PTSD cognitive and emotional land mind maps of the individual, different themes will elicit "internal retreats" and/or bubble formations of mind, psyche and/or body. If a couple is educated about the above mentioned educational components of PTSD, but also becomes familiar with the "PTSDer's landmine maps" as well as the "non PTSDer's parallel land mine association maps," an ideal relationship can be created.

In no way is focus on the non-PTSDer's parallel emotional states meant to take away from the intensity and trauma that a PTSDer experiences.  This stated, it is important to recognize that a non-PTSDer has a lot of feelings and sensitivities too, and for him/her to walk around emotional landmines of other all the time would be experienced as emotionally terrifying in and of itself.

Furthermore, it is fundamental for relationship optimization to recognize the two way effects of being caught in a PTSD relational warzone.  For further help creating a navigational map for a relationship that has experienced PTSD and/or complex trauma, contact Lily at: (619) 750-2218 or visit www.sandiegotherapy.org